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Birmingham, Mich. – Dec. 28, 2016 – In the spirit of starting the new year with a clean slate, Jessica Woll, managing partner of family law firm, Woll & Woll, P.C., who blogs and tweets @DivorceWisdom, advises divorced parents to create a list of resolutions that specifically focus on the family and address any relationship issues they have with their ex.
We’ve all made mistakes in the past, but the key is to learn from them and move on, according to the Michigan-based family law attorney, who has more than 22 years’ experience in complex divorce and family law issues.
“Divorced parents need to transition into a new mindset to make these changes real,” Woll said. “When they do that, the resolutions will be easier to put into practice and maintain throughout the year. Most importantly, they will help keep the peace by making family situations less problematic to handle with an ex or soon-to-be ex.”
Whether couples with children are in the process of divorcing or have been divorced parents for years, Woll recommends the following 5 New Year’s resolutions:
- Don’t air dirty laundry: Live by the “less is more” rule
According to Woll, the general public does not need to know one’s personal business, no matter how horrible. That information can be very harmful to the innocent children involved. “Remember, your former mate will remain a part of your history and may remain a part of your family, albeit in a very different role, for the rest of your life.”
- Support the relationship your children have with your ex:
Regardless of how difficult it is to do so, commit to being “child-centric” at all times. For example, find one good thing to say about your ex to the children on a regular basis, or take the children holiday or birthday shopping for their other parent.
“Keep all negative comments about your ex to yourself,” Woll said. “It’s not the child’s burden. Remember, it took the two of you to bring this child into the world in the first place. More importantly, always be cognizant that every time a criticism is made of your ex, it sends the child a message that half of him/her is no good.”
- Keep your cool
Know what pushes your buttons on the “angry meter” and counteract with a different response.
“Take a deep breath and picture the faces of your beautiful children,” Woll said. “This new approach takes a lot of willpower and may require some trial and error. Be patient and consider the long-term effects of your behavior, keeping your children’s best interest at heart, at all times.”
- Pick your battles
Divorce is still difficult, in spite of how hard one works to make the best of it for the family, Woll says.
“When a challenging situation involving your ex does occur, do not be reactionary. Do not put anything in writing (e-mail, text, etc.) while angry or on the spur of the moment. Stop and consider all options and compromises to determine what is ultimately best for your children before deciding if you should bend or if you should hold your ground,” Woll said.
- You get what you give
“How you act and what you put out there comes back to you. Behave well,” Woll said. “Exude kindness and love and you will attract good, kind and loving people in return. Make the decision to cut all toxic and unsupportive people from your life this year. As long as you are being a kind, decent, loving human who puts the children first, the rest does not matter.”
About Woll & Woll, P.C.
Woll & Woll, P.C. specializes in divorce and family law, including legal separation, post-judgment of divorce matters, removal of domicile actions, stepparent adoption, custody, child support, paternity and other family issues. Learn more here.
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